Wow I am hyper! Anyone who talked to me last night, I'm even more hyper than that. I'm not sure why though. Today was supposed to be a relaxing day. We went to the lake. It was actually fun though! Usually I don't like to go because my family always gangs up on me and I'm not very good at skiing and sometimes I get really sunburned. But today was good. Jeff and I jumped off a cliff for a while which was fun. The only not fun part was that Jeff has to wear my lifejacket because his is too small, so I don't have one to wear when the three of them are swimming. That's when I need someone with me in the boat and then with me and the water so I don't swim alone. Mitch, you have to come next time.

I have orientation at my new job tomorrow. TJ Maxx. Not real excited but since when is work supposed to be fun? Especially when you're having to pay for about 1500 dollars of damage to your brand new car. Which I did get back today by the way. Well I think the commercial is over so I have to get back to watching some show about arsenic poisoning with my family. Have a great week!

I had a dream last night about being in Mrs. Cegers-Colman's keyboarding class again. I again got reprimanded for using my left thumb on the spacebar. I still do that and it is almost impossible for me not to. I have to think about it really hard to use my right thumb, and slowing down that much just to be doing it the 'right way' is ridiculous. Why did they make the space bar so long if you couldn't pick a thumb to use? I always thought that was unfair. I think she continued to walk behind me and say 'right thumb please' with that smirk on her face because she was hoping I would someday talk back. I know she wanted to give me D-hall. She did once actually, for starting early. I had only typed my name. Argh.

I never liked her class much. It was always boring because Timon and Pumba had already taught me how to type on my computer at home. Maybe Mrs. Cegers-Colman just had a jealousy problem and a secret desire to be as cool as a warthog. I suppose she gave me D-hall because she really just struggled with her identity and self-esteem and was envious that I allowed someone other than her to teach me a valuable skill. If that was her job, to guide and direct me in my acquiring of keyboarding talent, and I failed to let her succeed in that way, I was essentially denying her of her purpose. Her dislike for me is quite understandable. I almost feel bad about it now.

Wow a lot has happened since that last post. Things to laugh about, things to remember forever, things that will affect me forever, things I wish never happened, and things to praise God for.

I don't know why I'm posting today. May 18th.

I just don't understand how I feel right now. The whole Graduation thing is probably weighing on me a lot subconsciously (I'm forcing it out of my conscious thoughts, well as much as possible) as well as some family things.  I have once again expanded my "scale of emotions" on both ends, making me more capable of crying for joy but also of feeling more hopelessness. So many big changes have come crashing into my life, and a few have been gradually taking place, and it's just overwhelming.  I've never felt so stressed, emotionally exhausted, happy, depressed, tired, and confused at the same time before.

It's more than I can handle. Good thing I've got God.

I have a feeling I'm going to regret posting. But if I don't now, I probably never will again. And for now, I'd like to keep that as an option. I can't be forced to decide right now.

the K-LIFE SKI TRIP was ABSOLUTELY   PHENOMENAL!

Very very fun indeed. I just know I will remember that week forever. What a perfect ending to a fantastic year.

I can't believe it is 2006. God is starting a new chapter in my life, and even though I know some of the things that will happen this year, I'll have to wait to see how He writes them into the story of my life. It feels like God has blindfolded me and is leading me by the hand, to the top of this year, like the top of a mountain, looking out over the upcoming year, and is anxious to show me everything He has in store for me. He holds me in His arms and with excitement in His strong and gentle voice says, "Just look at all the wonderful blessings I'm giving you this year, and look how I'll lead you right through the struggles. You can see that while things in your life come and go or change, I'm in every moment, consistently faithful and loving you for all 31536000 seconds of the year."

Currently Watching Home Alone 3 see related

I think my love for buying presents for people has almost gone too far. It's worse this year than it's ever been...probably because I've been working and saved up money for Christmas. So I was shopping today, buying my last two presents for people (well that was the purpose anyway). I hadn't known ahead of time exactly what I wanted to buy, but then I quickly and much to my satisfaction found two creative and personal items for each of them. They were a little more expensive than I might have preferred, but I decided it was definitely worth it. Well I should have checked out but I decided to just keep looking around to make sure there wasn't anything better. And of course I find something else, not necessarily better but something that I just have to get them as well, so I add it to the stack. And of course I keep looking. And of course I find something else that makes me think 'oh i should get this for ___!' And of course I do, even though I already bought that person something, or somethings. And of course I don't even stop there but go to the next store, just to see. And of course the same thing happens, I buy a second or third present for someone else when I already had an acceptable gift for them. I just can't seem to say no if I find something I want to give somebody! It's crazy. But generosity isn't all bad.

I think I have probably 'moved' close to 150 times now. Good grief I am soo sick of it. I really don't want to complain becuase it's really not that bad (so I apologize), I'm just tired of my Sunday nights automatically being taken up by something I don't want to have to do. And it never fails to either make me upset or very grumpy. Moving has always been pretty much kept to myself and my family and completely uninvolving or affecting anyone else. But it wasn't tonight, and somehow it suddenly seemed so much more horrific. It seemed to hit me more as a reality, and as something that is strange and different and hard and even stupid.  I realized later how embarrassed and ashamed I felt, even though I very much know I shouldn't. It's not like y'all don't know I move, and I've never tried to avoid talking about it or anything. I just feel like it's a bad thing for some reason, like admitting that part of my life is just wrong and, even worse, unable to ever get better. I feel like I'm failing an area of life without anything I can do to change it. In a way, I even feel like I did something bad, that I don't want others to see. I've apparantly always compartmentalized the moving into it's own corner of the week and of my mind. Now I feel like it spilled over into other areas, and I wish it hadn't. But I also think (or at least hope) that maybe this is good, maybe that's what needed to happen to help me get past it more. Maybe it'll take this one terrible week and then from now on it won't be so bad. Maybe it'll be easier to let go and feel more comfortable with it. Maybe this is the beginning of Sundays being exciting and easy, rather than frustrating and depressing. Maybe. I sure would like that.